I Tried And Ranked 10 Cutwater Flavors

Canned cocktails are all the rage these days, and rightfully so. Not only are new and exciting products, like Cutwater, springing up on the market, but they are perfect for all kinds of outdoor enjoyment. They also make savoring a cocktail as easy as popping the top on a can. Well, at least the flavors that live up to expectations do. With this in mind, I went on a taste-testing mission to find out how Cutwater's canned cocktail recipes measured up in a head-to-head competition. I already knew the brand had some yummy options — it wasn't my first foray with it — but that doesn't mean they would all hit the mark. After tasting a collection of flavors, I also ranked them from worst to best to help guide your next purchase. You can thank me later, because as it turns out, some were complete letdowns.

As for my ranking criteria, I allowed each canned cocktail's recipe accuracy (did the Long Island Iced Tea taste like one?), potential for mass appeal, and flavor to lead the way. More on my methodology can be found at the end, but I know what you really want to know right now: How the Cutwater flavors I tasted measured up, of course. So, without further ado, let's get to the tasty, or in some cases, not so palatable results.

Some recommendations are based on first-hand impressions of promotional materials and products provided by the manufacturer/distributor/etc.

If you enjoy pumpkin spice products, you may think that Cutwater's Pumpkin Spice White Russian would make a good pick. Sadly, though, that couldn't be further from the truth. Actually, it was downright disgusting. From the aroma to the taste to the ridiculous potency, it turned me off on all fronts. It didn't taste anything like a classic White Russian, either, and you can go ahead and forget about appealing to most customers. In fact, I convinced a friend of mine to give it a try, and after taking a sip, they immediately spit it back into the can on reflex. True story.

Before I even tasted Cutwater's Pumpkin Spice White Russian, I detected an unpleasant, highly artificial smell. It only got worse once I actually tried it. Yes, it had the flavors you'd want from the namesake ingredient, and there was a hint of coffee with cream, but the elements didn't come together properly. The coffee was severely lacking, the cream was thin, and the aftertaste was unbearable. Plus, with a high 13% ABV, it was way too boozy for this type of drink.

If you're one of those people who has to try something when another person tells you it is awful, by all means, give Cutwater's Pumpkin Spice White Russian a go. For everyone else, though, I recommend you take my word for it — this drink was abysmal at best. Sorry, not sorry, Cutwater. It is all spice and nothing nice.

Next up is Cutwater's Long Island Iced Tea. While I'll admit that it achieves the heavy-hitting boozy profile of the classic recipe — it boasts a 13% ABV, after all — it tasted more like regret than a balanced drink. All of the punch was there, but there was barely any sour (or lemonade) and cola to round it off. At least not much I could taste. I guess there was a good amount of lemon, but it screamed artificial, was far from fresh-tasting, and there certainly wasn't enough to counterbalance the excessive amount of alcohol.

In many cases, if you order a Long Island iced tea in public, the bartender will assume some things about you, like you are out to party hard, get wasted, and you're not after a balanced, tasty cocktail. This Cutwater flavor is proof of why. It tasted like amateur hour to me, and not much else. If you bring it to a college party, you might be called a hero, but that's where the fun stops. After a couple of sips, I could already feel the impending headache approaching. No, thanks. The only reason I scored Cutwater's Long Island Iced Tea higher than last place is that it didn't provide the knee-jerk reaction to spit it out that the Pumpkin Spice White Russian did. People looking to party might enjoy it, but I will avoid it in the future.

The eighth place spot on our list goes to Cutwater's Banana Mudslide. Not a total letdown, like the flavors that scored lower, it was still far from a favorite for me. All of the essential flavors were there — coffee, cream, banana, and vodka — but it wasn't rich and velvety like a mudslide should be. In fact, it tasted like a super watered-down version of the classic recipe, maybe not so much regarding the flavors or potency (it has a 13% ABV, after all), but definitely in terms of texture. Maybe it's all of the creamy frozen mudslides I've enjoyed on the beach, but this drink didn't give me any of the nice feels I was expecting. Bummer.

I will, however, admit that the banana flavor in Cutwater's Banana Mudslide tasted surprisingly fresh and real. Much more so than I anticipated, especially if you take into account the artificiality I got from the previous flavors. Regardless, that wasn't enough for it to claw its way out of the dregs of our list. After all, banana coffee isn't the type of flavor combo I see having a ton of mass appeal. If you want to give it a try yourself, I recommend tossing it in the blender with some ice. I did, and it improved the texture tenfold. 

Cutwater's Tequila Paloma is miles ahead of the lower-ranking flavors. Seriously, it is the first recipe I could see myself enjoying again. Before you get too excited, though, I should clarify: I probably wouldn't purchase it myself, but I also would not turn one down at a gathering. Now that we've got that settled, let's get to why.

Cutwater's Tequila Paloma is a decent representation of a paloma cocktail recipe. However, not the kind that uses grapefruit juice with a splash of soda water. I'm talking about the one that goes for grapefruit soda. Translation: Instead of being grapefruit-forward, it is more of an underlying flavor. Unfortunately, this set it back in my ranking quite a bit. I wanted way more grapefruit than it delivered. 

If I'm being brutally honest, and I typically am, it tasted more like a skinny margarita than a paloma. Oh well. That aside, I appreciated the subtle lime flavor. Despite it being one of the lower ABV options at 7%, it was still tequila-forward, so no complaints there. Even so, I'd say a pro move would be to add a generous splash of fresh grapefruit to the can and give it a swirl before diving right in. If you do, it'll be super tasty. Ask me how I know.

Cutwater's Lemon Drop Martini was a well-balanced cocktail with plenty of mass appeal. That doesn't mean I didn't have a couple of serious issues with it, though. Before I get to that, let's talk about its several redeeming qualities. For starters, it had the ideal balance of lemon to sugar, and it didn't come off as artificial. I'm not saying it tasted like fresh-squeezed lemon juice, but it wasn't bad by any standards. The flavor was quite yummy, albeit a touch too sweet for my personal preferences. Still, it's a lemon drop, so it should be sugary. As a result, it gets full marks for recipe accuracy and potential customer enjoyability.

My main issue with Cutwater's Lemon Drop Martini is that it is called a martini. It isn't one. It is undeniably a cocktail. I don't know of any martinis that come in 12-ounce pours. Heck, in most places that wouldn't even be allowed when imbibing in public. In addition, it only has an 11% ABV, further cementing the fact that it is not a martini. I mean, the three upcoming margaritas have more booze than it, and they are mixed drinks. So, if you are after a martini, this isn't it. It'll more than fit the bill if you just want an easy-drinking cocktail.

The first flavor to breach the top half of my list is Cutwater's Mango Margarita. As a margarita lover, I'm not too surprised, either. It's deliciously strong, sweet without going overboard, and boozy enough to ensure you know you aren't just drinking juice; it was spot on for what a tropical-flavored margarita should be.

The best part about this cocktail is the juicy mango flavor. Not only was it front and center, but it also tasted fresh. The underlying lime also gave the overall flavor a refreshing profile that was hard to ignore. Thanks to its 12.5% ABV, the tequila also shone through like a star. There was no way you could mistake it for a mango daiquiri or something else. It was a tequila margarita through and through.

The only reason the Mango Margarita didn't rank higher is that another version of the recipe was significantly tastier (coming up shortly). Still, it is far from a bad pick, and I would happily bring cans of it to a gathering to share with friends. Actually, one of my taste-testing accomplices said it would be in their top three. Food for thought, but the next flavors are where it's at. Let's go!

The award for fourth place goes to Cutwater's Lime Margarita, and it may not be for the reasons you'd expect. While I enjoyed it quite a bit, it probably isn't what everyone expects from a margarita. For example, it doesn't have the sweetest, tartest, freshest, or boldest lime flavor to back up the tequila. It does, however, deliver in terms of flavor balance, mass appeal, and containing enough booze to make sure you feel it — 12.5% ABV. So yeah, it'll send you well on your way to a day or night of fun.

No doubt about it, Cutwater's Lime Margarita puts any margarita you'd get from a dive bar to shame. Instead of tasting like some kind of saccharine sweet and sour mix, it tastes like lime, and it wasn't thick or syrupy in the slightest. Those traits earned it some serious points in my book. That being said, it wasn't like a fresh-made margarita you'd get from a mixologist, either. If it were, it could have gone all the way, but I digress. It had a light, palatable flavor with enough lime to ensure you picked up on the margarita intentions. Even so, I could have used way more lime. No love lost, though, because the triple sec and tequila stole the show in the best way possible. Bring these to a party, and they'll disappear before you know it.

A cut above the rest (pun intended), Cutwater's Spicy Mango Margarita was the tastiest rendition of a margarita recipe I sampled. Made with Cutwater Tequila, triple sec, lime juice, and natural flavors, it is a perfect example of the sum equaling more than its parts. Oh yeah, it also has a high 12.5% ABV, so tread lightly.

I was instantly drawn in by a strong jalapeño aroma wafting off the top the moment I cracked open my Spicy Mango Margarita. The mango was there, but that spicy pepper aroma was enough to make me salivate. After taking my first sip, I was astounded by how much I enjoyed it. All of the flavors — jalapeño, mango, lime, orange, and tequila — were bold enough to stand out while somehow still allowing the others to shine. The heat also built the more I drank and eventually gave the back of my throat a little tickle. Yum.

Suffice it to say, I more than approved of Cutwater's Spicy Mango Margarita. I know a spicy margarita isn't for everyone, but this one is so delectable I'm sure it could change some minds. The lime and mango were fresh and juicy, and they toned the heat in a spectacular way. Plus, the spice factor was subtle enough that it shouldn't shock a sensitive palate. Actually, the jalapeño aroma had way more bark than bite, so don't let that be a deterring factor.

The coveted No. 2 spot goes to Cutwater's Tiki Rum Mai Tai, and let me tell you: I, for one, was shocked to see it go so far in my ranking. I'm not exactly sure why, but I had it in my head that I didn't like a classic mai tai (which can be made a couple of different ways). Oh, man, did this little tasty can of tropical heaven prove me wrong, though. It may not have taken gold, but that is a testament to the canned cocktail that did, not a slight against this one. I would never badmouth it.

Made with white rum, citrus, pineapple, and coconut, every sip of Cutwater's Tiki Rum Mai Tai transported me to a sunny island beach, and I was there for it. Thanks to the high 12.5% ABV, after polishing off the can, it wasn't challenging to keep pretending I was on vacation, either. I jest, but it was the perfect blend of tropical flavors backed up by a hit of boozy goodness that has the potential to make a fan out of just about anyone. I don't care if you are a brand new drinker or a seasoned vet; it has what it takes to make you a serious fan. Cutwater crushed this recipe, and it absolutely outperforms everything that came before in my ranking by quite a bit.

By far, the absolute best Cutwater canned cocktail flavor I tried was the Vodka Mule. Honestly, it wasn't even close, either. It hit all the hallmarks of a well-crafted drink — flavorful, perfectly balanced, deliciously refreshing, and promising mass appeal for days. There was also no doubt that it was a Moscow mule. Even if I had blind taste-tested it, I could have told you that, and that is more than I can say for many lower-ranking products.

Cutwater's Vodka Mule packed a mean punch in the flavor department. In fact, upon first blush, I was like, "Oh dang, that's really freaking tasty!" It boasted lots of bold, zesty ginger with the right amount of spice, tons of lime, and the perfect amount of vodka. With a 7% ABV, it was boozy, but not overly so, like many of the potent drinks we've discussed thus far. As a result, it makes a fantastic easy-drinking pick, not something that is going to bowl you over with booze. 

The flavors were complex and expertly balanced, and it was far from a sugar bomb that would only appeal to newbies. If I had to place a wager as to why, it would be that a top-tier ginger beer was used to pull off the recipe. I'd even go so far as to say that the Vodka Mule is a master class in what canned cocktails can and should be. Nicely done, Cutwater.

Largely, whether we like a cocktail or not comes down to matters of personal taste; no arguments there. However, when it came time to rank the Cutwater flavors, I made sure to consider much more than my individual preferences. Instead, I focused on how accurately each canned cocktail reflected the intended recipe, its potential for mass appeal, and the overall flavor of the drink.

While most of the recipes tasted as they should, a few didn't quite hit the mark (like the 12-ounce Lemon Drop Martini, which was way more of a cocktail than a martini), and they lost some points for that. If it nailed the recipe, though, I relied on whether the masses would find it appealing and the overall flavor to determine how it would fit into my ranking. After it was all said and done, I can confidently say the top five are great, but the top two are truly where it is at. In addition, I'd recommend avoiding the bottom three like the plague.