Remember those guys who wanted you to get drunk through your eyeballs? They now want to teach you to use those same eyeballs to make your very own bitters via tears. Alcoholic Architecture will be holding classes in London where you can learn to do just that.

The workshop will show you the basis of bitters-making, how to properly extract your tears and highlight the three different types of tears that we produce: basal, reflex and psychic. Extraction methods, according to the workshop’s site, include massage and menthol. We’re guessing that chopping onions may not produce the best-quality tears. The class includes a session dedicated to making a memento mori piece of jewelry from the hair that sits on your head.

For £25 (about $38), you too can make two bottles of your own tear-based bitters and a morbid piece of jewelry, just in time for gift-giving season. So instead of frantically changing the channel whenever Sarah McLachlan asks you to donate to the sad, sad puppies and kitties of the ASPCA, why not leave the commercial on and collect those tears? Your old-fashioned just might thank you.