Here's what I watch when there's nothing on Comedy Central: Fox & Friends. It's funny! I mean, until it stops being funny, which is right around the time Mr. Texas Agriculture Commissioner accosts the most friendly and inoffensive step mankind has taken towards becoming healthier and more environmentally responsible: Meatless Monday. Cue cartoon bluebirds with wide innocent eyes. 

To recap: the meat served in public school cafeterias — which he insists we as a nation, nay as a society, feed children every day — has been proven over and over to be of the same quality as prison food: Grade D, or "edible." Fun fact: most fast food chains use at least Grade C.

Related: Meatless Monday Veggie Porn Gallery

Mr. Texas Agriculture Commissioner (no time to learn his name but I am willing to call him Jim) takes an authoritative tone, lamenting that "not having a balanced diet is sending the wrong message to our kids." Yes! Yes! That is correct, according to the current standards of "balanced," which desperately need to be addressed! Oh wait, that common ground turned out to be chicken nugget filler, ew. It's spongy and I wish I wasn't standing on it.

More Meatless Monday (not less) on Food Republic: