One of the best parts of summer is the fruit in season. Some people may get down with watermelons and blueberries, but I like to think that stone fruit is where it's at. Stone fruit = fruit with a pit, aka drupes. Since NFL training camps open up this week (finally!), it seemed like the perfect time to rank these fruits pro football style – with a Power Ranking.
Each stone fruit is ranked on a scale of ten for overall flavor, aesthetic value, degree of difficulty in finding the perfectly ripe version and pure preference from your author. May the best stone fruit win.
1. Plums
Plums are dope drupes. The proof is in your first bite. With deep, vibrant flavor and a full spectrum of colors to choose from, plums are all like “hey girl, give me a bite – you won't regret it.” They're the Ryan Gosling of stone fruit. Plums can star in every dish in your dessert repertoire – the indie desserts, the big budget dishes, the weird “why is he in Bangkok?” cakes, and still be a welcome addition an hour later as just a bowl of plums.
Overall Flavor: 9
Aesthetic Value: 7
Ripe Degree of Difficulty: 8
Plain Old Bias: 7
Average Total Score: 7.75
2. Nectarines
Honestly, nectarines don't get enough play. Bad fruit marketing? Definitely. They get so little respect that when you type “nectarine” into Wikipedia, it redirects you to peach. That's messed up, yo. That's like typing in Scrappy Doo and getting Scooby. Sure, they're similar, but they're also ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. The difference? Nectarines don't have any fuzz. If you like peaches without the scruff, you'll love nectarines. Also, with all that time in the sun, most nectarines develop some damn sexy freckles.
Overall Flavor: 8
Aesthetic Value: 9
Ripe Degree of Difficulty: 6
Plain Old Bias: 7
Average Total Score: 7.5
3. Peaches
I didn't mean to hate on peaches before. Peaches are great! You know who loves peaches, though? Communists. Seriously, China is the world's largest producer of peaches by a huge margin. Not that there's anything wrong with Communist peaches. Another interesting peach fact: the South gets a lot of credit for their peach love (*ahem* Georgia *ahem*), but California actually grows 74% of America's peaches. Weird, right? Anyway. As I said, peaches are great!
Overall Flavor: 9
Aesthetic Value: 9
Ripe Degree of Difficulty: 5
Plain Old Bias: 6
Average Total Score: 7.25
4. The Hybrids: Pluots/Plumcots/Apriums
I like to think of these as the X-Men of Stone Fruit. Pluots, apriums, plumcots – whatever name they take on, they're always beautiful and delicious. With our mastery of the Punnett Square, fruit scientists have combined the best of plums with the best of apricots and if apricots weren't so lame (more on that later), this would be a miracle. The names are great, too: Dapple Dandy, Flavor Queen, Eagle Egg – they really do sound like superheroes.
Overall Flavor: 8
Aesthetic Value: 10
Ripe Degree of Difficulty: 6
Plain Old Bias: 4
Average Total Score: 7
5. Red Cherries
Most people think of those heavily processed Maraschinos when you ask them to think of a cherry, but the real thing is so, so much better. Bings, Black Tartarians, Lamberts – they're all bursting with flavor and their season is so short that the demand almost always exceeds the supply. People get amped up for peaches and plums, but watch your fellow shoppers' faces at your local farmers market when the cherries arrive for the first time. People go absolutely bonkers. It makes sense, right? After all, life is a bowl of them.
Overall Flavor: 7
Aesthetic Value: 7
Ripe Degree of Difficulty: 6
Plain Old Bias: 5
Average Total Score: 6.25
6. White/Yellow Cherries
White and yellow cherries, like their burgundy brethren, are much beloved – perhaps more so because they're harder to find. Rainiers reign here, but Royal Anns and even some varieties of sour cherries (Montmorency, etc.) hit the market if you're lucky. The problem with the lighter varieties in my experience is that there are more duds than stars, which is to say you'll be spitting out more of these cherries than their darker-hued cousins. It has to do with sugar concentration in the fruit itself but if you want to know more, feel free to track down Dr. Cherryston (who does not exist).
Overall Flavor: 8
Aesthetic Value: 8
Ripe Degree of Difficulty: 3
Plain Old Bias: 4
Average Total Score: 5.75
7. Apricots
Can we finally all agree that apricots are a waste of your stone fruit time? They just don't have the allure of the sexier varieties of drupes. They're boring to look at, hard for people to pronounce (I go with app-ri-cot, not ape-ri-cot), impossible to pinpoint for ripeness and overall just blah. The only thing going for them is their nutritional density, which is supposed to be super-awesome although I'm falling asleep just thinking about it. If you want an apricot, how about combining it with a nice plum to form a Flavor Queen? Sounds like a good solution to me. Sorry apricot fans, I'm just not one of you.
Overall Flavor: 6
Aesthetic Value: 5
Ripe Degree of Difficulty: 5
Plain Old Bias: 3
Average Total Score: 4.5
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