NBA Power Rankings: Chili's Edition

Our hand-battered chicken classic, served with corn on the cob, homestyle fries & and honey-mustard dipping sauce.

The best thing that Chili's makes get matched with the best team in the NBA. Indiana should really call their team the Indiana Patience because that's what got them here. In 2008, they traded for the rights of an overweight, slow center and patiently watched Roy Hibbert lose weight and turn into an All-Star. Two years later, they drafted Paul George, a lanky kid out of Fresno State who slowly but surely has turned himself into one of the top multi-category contributors in the league. The Pacers play defense, work together and out hustle everyone they play. This Indiana team is good for all the right reasons and they've earned the top spot.

Topped with applewood smoked bacon, fresh chopped green onions & 3-cheese blend.

Quite simply, the Blazers are loaded. All five starters (yes, I'm including Robin Lopez in this claim) are vital contributors and the sum is far greater than its parts. Damian Lillard continues to impress in his sophomore season, Nic Batum and Wes Matthews are the best non-celebrity stars in the league, and LaMarcus Aldridge is averaging a double-double with 23.1 ppg and 10.1 boards. That's insane. If you're on the opposing team, grab a spoon and try to get a bite, but don't be surprised when that spoon gets stuck because the talent is thick on this team.

100% USDA thick-cut steak marbled for maximum flavor & topped with garlic butter. Served with loaded mashed potatoes & steamed broccoli.

If you're ordering the ribeye at Chili's, you're either a baller or you want everyone to think you're a baller. That's the Heat for you. So much swag that it can shut you down if you let them get inside your head, but allow me to ask you what these teams have in common: Philadelphia, Brooklyn, Boston, Detroit, Chicago. If you said records of .500 or less, you're right. If you also said "teams that beat the Heat this year," you'd also be right. Are the Heat a mirage? No. They are, however, more beatable than they used to be. Don't be fooled by the steaks that they order.

Slow-cooked chili with beef, onions and chiles. Topped with cheese.

Apparently getting a multi-year winner of the Defensive Player of the Year award is a good idea. It finally looks like Dwight Howard has found a home in Houston, despite the fact that most of his stats are way off from Howard's career highs. Doesn't matter, though, because the players around him are good and Kevin McHale has found a way to get them to all play together. James Harden is solidifying his reputation as the leader of the next generation of elite shooting guards. Chandler Parsons is so sneaky good, and the point guard platoon of Lin and Beverley actually seems to be working — when Lin is healthy and all. Houston may not be the best team in the West, but they're certainly going to be a tough out come playoff time.

Crispy chicken tossed in our spicy Buffalo sauce with applewood smoked bacon, bleu cheese crumbles, house-made pico de gallo & crispy tortilla strips, with house-made ranch dressing.

The Nuggets aren't actually worthy of being #9. Sorry, Denver fans. They're here because they're ranked on how they've played up until this point, but that doesn't mean they'll continue to play this way. You know that feeling when you order something because it sounded so good but then it shows up and you're full of regret? Let's use the Boneless Buffalo Chicken Salad for an example. What's not to like? Boneless buffalo wings? Bacon? Blue cheese? It all sounds fantastic. And then it arrives and you realize you should have just ordered the damn boneless buffalo wings on their own because now you've got all of this stupid lettuce in the way and it's taking away from the pure buffalo enjoyment. That's the Nuggets. Right now, they look good. That won't be the case by the next rankings when their team lettuce starts getting in the way. 

100% USDA Choice 6 oz. sirloin topped with spicy chipotle-garlic butter. Served with loaded mashed potatoes & steamed broccoli.

As a Bulls fan, the Derrick Rose injury is truly heartbreaking. This team was going to contend this year. Boozer was having his best year as a Bull, Deng was back to his consistent self, and Noah hasn't said a peep about the foot issues that have plagued him the past few seasons (fare thee well, Le Coq Sportif shoes!). Then #thereinjury happened and the Bulls went 1-6. With their star sidelined (the equivalent of ordering a chipotle-garlic butter steak and not being able to enjoy the spicy butter), things are pretty gloomy in The Chi, but after a nice victory over Miami, things are looking up. After all, Bulls, you're still a pretty solid sirloin even without the fancy butter.

Smothered in Alfredo sauce with a hint of Cajun spice, topped with shredded Parmesan, diced tomatoes & chopped green onions. Served with garlic toast.

Awww, poor little Pelicans. Things were going so well. Anthony Davis was blossoming into a bonafide super stud and now New Orleans is struggling to get wins with their star out for 4-6 weeks. The good news is, Ryan Anderson is stepping up in a major way, Jrue Holiday is coming on strong and Eric Gordon's knees haven't disintegrated. Bravo, Pellies, you're making cajun pasta look appetizing.

Grilled spicy chile-lime shrimp wrapped in three flour tortillas and topped with fresh cilantro-slaw, house-made pico de gallo & and sliced avocado. Served with rice & black beans.

Spicy Grilled Shrimp Tacos at Chili's? That's a gamble. The same type of unpredictability can be found with Washington, where there's a 50/50 chance every day that the Wizards will come to play. For now, they're winning the games they're supposed to and losing to better teams. That's much better than just losing to everyone. The Wall-Beal backcourt should just keep getting better and better and with Nene and Gortat guarding the interior, it's become much harder to score on the Wiz. Are the playoffs in their future for the first time since '07-'08? Right now they're sitting pretty with a six seed. How's that for unpredictable?

Topped with grilled chicken, applewood smoked bacon, tomato sauce, Monterey Jack, mozzarella, chopped cilantro, house-made pico de gallo, fresh sliced avocado & a drizzle of roasted garlic aioli.

Are the Lakers going through puberty? It kind of seems that way as they're trying to adopt a new identity after the Dwightbacle of last year. Now that Kobe's back on the court, it'll be interesting to see if Mike D'Antoni can bring the Gold and Purple back from the brink of implosion and onward towards the playoffs. Steve Nash, get well soon. It's better to burn out than to fade away and it's even better to do so while chomping on this very on-the-nose California flatbread pairing.

Fresh, hand-cut pineapple, mandarin oranges, dried cranberries, diced red bell peppers, chopped green onions, cilantro & sesame seeds with a honey-lime dressing.

The salad is really just a tribute to Al Horford and his Dominican roots. As the undisputed leader of these Hawks, he deserves a lot of credit. With a record that barely qualifies as winning, the Hawks currently sit in the #3 seed in the Eastern Conference. That's despicable. Atlanta's not complaining, though. Let's see if Korver can keep hitting the 3 as consistently as he has all year and keep an eye on Paul Millsap's knees. If everyone stays healthy, there's no reason that ATL doesn't give fans just enough excitement to keep cheering.

Three flour tortillas stuffed with crispy chicken, applewood smoked bacon, diced tomatoes & 3-cheese blend, drizzled with signature honey-chipotle sauce & house-made ranch. Served with rice & black beans.

And the award for Better Than Expected goes to...the Charlotte Bobcats! It was just two seasons ago when the Bobcats won seven games the entire season. Last year, they didn't get to nine wins until January. Nine wins this early in the season is a miracle in Charlotte and they should be applauded for such an accomplishment. They're just like these crispy chicken tacos. From the description, they sound too overloaded with ingredients and toppings, but don't be surprised when they become your regular order because they're much better than you expected. 

Topped with taco seasoned ground beef, fresh salsa, cheddar, mozzarella, Monterey & pepper Jack cheese, chopped red onion & cilantro, house-made pico de gallo with a drizzle of cumin-lime sour cream.

If anything on the Chili's menu sounds like stadium food, it's the Taco Pizza. And when you're a Magic fan, you're probably hoping for a stellar stadium experience because Penny knows you're not there for the quality basketball. The Magic finally seem like they're all healthy and with Afflalo playing his best season as a pro and Oladipo coming along nicely, there may be some magic yet to come down in Orlando.

Thinly sliced turkey with lettuce, fresh sliced tomato, provolone cheese & mayo on wheat Texas toast.

Like a classic turkey sandwich, there's nothing exciting about the Celtics. Even Rondo coming back isn't really enough to get Boston fans cheering. Brad Stevens seems like a very nice man, but his rotations so far have proven that rookie coaches need just as much time to adjust to the NBA as rookie players. Please, Mr. Stevens, give Faverani a chance.

Four mini burgers with applewood smoked bacon, American cheese, sauteed onions & house-made ranch. Served with freshly made crispy onion strings.

Who has a collectively bigger mouth than the New York Knicks? This quote comes from Knicks owner Jimmy Dolan a little over two weeks ago: "I think this team can win a championship...There have been other championship teams that weren't nearly as talented as this one." At the time, the team was 3-8. They're now 5-14. Does anyone really think they're going to be hoisting the Larry O'Brien Trophy at the end of this season. Nope. In related news, Carmelo keeps opening his big mouth about his plans for free agency. Oh, you Knicks. Just keep your big mouths shut.

A delicious bowl of Soup with a House Salad with your choice of dressing.

I was about to give the Jazz just the salad, but then I remembered that it's going to be a long winter in Utah so I gave them soup, too. What can I say? I'm a generous dude. Trey Burke is finally on the court, so at least the Jazz finally have a point guard. Enes Kanter hasn't quite lived up to the hype, but Gordon Hayward and Derrick Favors are playing well, so it's not insane to look to the future and hope for a much better result. Right now, though... just focus on the soup and salad.