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Sorry mixologists, we had to poke a little fun, even though we realize that mixology in late 2012 has less to do with grooming and suspenders, a more do with what is actually in the glass (Though, we did recently meet a London mixologist who designs his own suspenders.) Also, we love female bartenders. Anyways, the knowledge junkies over at Mental Floss have a roundup of 13 Patents Designed to Build a Better Mustache, which ranges from practical to the Medieval torture. Here are three of our favorites.  

This one paid Mark Twain to endorse.

This one was to make sure the ‘stache didn’t come into contact with a chili dog.

This one is just really creepy.