7 Imaginary Movies Starring Tom Colicchio

Tom Colicchio has been a cultural icon in the food world ever since Top Chef premiered 10 seasons ago. He's an inspiration to young chefs, a hero to bald men and, apparently, a sex symbol to a certain segment of the gay population. Basically, he's Telly Savalas manning a deep-fryer. With this, we figured it was time he moved beyond food for a career in the talkies. Here are 7 movies starring Tom Colicchio (in our heads, at least).

1. Frosty Wishes

Every kid loves the ice cream man, but what happens when the ice cream man is also a 4,000-year-old genie who's granting wishes to every kid he meets? Chaos! Spring Creek is turned upside down when lovable Gorman (Tom Colicchio) comes to town and fulfills every kid's wish, no matter how big or small. Along the way, he solves the town's budget crisis, wins the heart of the prettiest single mom around (played by the magnetic Gail Simmons), and finally breaks free of the curse that has kept him bottled up for so many centuries. Come along for the sweetest kids' movie of the summer as superstar chef Tom Colicchio plays the role he was made to play. FROSTY WISHES is for the kid in all of us. Who wants a Choco Taco?

2. Cal

He was known as the Iron Man of Baseball. Loved by the entire city of Baltimore, Cal Ripken played in more consecutive games than any other player in Major League history. Now, Tom Colicchio returns to the silver screen in his greatest role yet. Plagued by the baseball card mishap that haunted his brother Billy for years, Colicchio's Cal is softer and more thoughtful than the man the public knew. Generous and poignant, Cal proves that you can be more than just a dumb jock in this athlete-obsessed world. Upon seeing an early cut of the film, Cal Ripken actually said that Colicchio embodies the part better than Ripken could himself. Do you smell an Oscar? Or is that just Steak Oscar?

3. The Dicer

When Paraguayan mobsters kidnap the adorable daughter of short order cook Will Russell (Tom Colicchio), this mild-mannered hash slinger turns into a one-man hit squad. From his diner in Hell's Kitchen to the jungles of South America, Russell chases down his daughter's abductors with the vengeance and efficiency of a man who can plate 16 omelets in four minutes. He doesn't use guns. He doesn't know martial arts. All he has is his battered old chef's knife. Tom Colicchio is...THE DICER.

4. The Farmer

The year is 2368 and the world has run out of food. With starvation running rampant and the Global Government instituting the first round of devastating population control, only one man has the tools to save humanity before all is lost and mankind plunges into the harshest war that's ever been known. Part folk hero, part agricultural savior, Tom Colicchio is THE FARMER. On the brink of collapse, his seed will remake the world. Rated R for language, violence and inappropriate zucchini usage.

5. Tommy Tomato

When a genetic modification experiment goes terribly wrong, Monsanto scientist Tommy Behl (Tom Colicchio) is accidentally turned into the world's largest tomato. He may be able to hear and see, but he definitely can't talk, and when his scientist colleagues discover the giant tomato surprise in Tommy's lab, they decide to share their creation with the world... as the biggest bowl of salsa ever made. Now Tommy has to find a way to stop them before he winds up in the blender. In his greatest non-verbal role ever, Tom Colicchio plays Tommy with the kind of pathos that Golden Globe voters have come to expect from Daniel Day Lewis. In the end, our good friend Tommy saves the day and convinces everyone that they shouldn't mess with nature. One dollar from every ticket sold to TOMMY TOMATO goes to destroying Monsanto through any means possible.

6. Walk-In

You go into the walk-in cooler for six lemons, you come out with six stab wounds. That's the harsh reality of WALK-IN, the newest horror classic for foodies everywhere. Tom Colicchio stars as Ruben, a hot-shot New York bad boy who takes over as the new executive chef at Gunther's, Milwaukee's oldest German restaurant. Which also happens to be Milwaukee's most haunted. For years, chefs have been mysteriously disappearing from Gunther's, but nobody can figure out why. Now it's up to Ruben to get to the bottom of things before he winds up as braunschweiger. Colicchio shines as the brash chef with his own secrets hiding up the sleeves of his chef's jacket. At Gunther's, you may go into the walk-in, but you'll never walk out. Also starring Hugh Acheson as "Dishwasher Danny."

7. Masala/Marsala

Tom Colicchio stars as Rocco LaGuardia, a private chef from the Bronx who's about to quit cooking forever but agrees to take one last job before his retirement. Deepa Joglekar (Padma Lakshmi) is the biggest star in Bollywood – and also the biggest diva. All she wants is a simple kale salad every day, but he refuses to go out as a salad maker — instead, preparing opulent eight-course meals day in and day out (which she pushes away until she tries Rocco's meatballs). Her life is then changed forever. Together they explore the flavors of romance and see just how erotic food can be to the right person. MASALA/MARSALA is a story of love, trust and marinara sauce.

More Kessler Report on Food Republic: