What To Do With All This Damn Lobster

Have you noticed the price of lobster creeping lower and lower? Maine lobstermen have. Some of them got $4 a pound for their catch last summer, but the price is down to $1.35 this year after careful conservation and excellent lobster weather has given way to a massive lobster surplus. This isn't the first year of the lobster glut, but it's certainly the worst for the luxury crustacean industry.

With so many lobsters flooding the market, the sweet meat of the sea has lost its once rich patina. Now any jackhole can afford lobster and, even though it's become more mainstream, there are still too many of the damn arthropods. That's why we came up with some alternate uses for the lobster surplus. If necessity is the mother of invention, then consider us the cool uncles of lobster innovation.

Lobster as an ingredient, not the main course

Chefs have been using lobster as part of their dishes for years. Instead of the classic simple grilled lobster, send the seabugs to the background with recipes like lobster cassoulet or lobster guacamole (lobstermole?). Switch up breakfast and throw some lobbie into your scrambled eggs. Why the hell not? As long as you're already eating shellfish, might as well break some more Kosher laws and hit up some lobster mac and cheese. With an overabundance of lobster, you're only limited by your own imagination.

Lobsters as pets

Like pugs and cockatoos, the mighty lobster has the potential to be an excellent pet. Sure, it's not the prettiest thing to look at, but look how cute those little claws are! Get yourself a lobster leash and a tank and you've got the perfect land/sea hybrid pet. Watch it swim! Take it for a walk! When you get bored, feel free to boil it. Pinchy may be gone, but he'll never be forgotten. Right, Homer?

Lobster art

Oh, you think you fancy? I'll show you fancy. Try turning lobster into art. It makes an excellent canvas. Don't believe me? Check out this lobster motorcycle from Taiwanese artist Huang Mingbo. Lobster art is going to take the art world by storm. Get in now before it's too late.

Lobster instead of chicken

Chicken is expensive. Hell, even Chicken of the Sea is expensive. Take advantage of this bizarro world where lobster is the cheap protein and use it as a chicken replacement. Make a hearty lobster pot pie. Throw that ocean meat into a club sandwich. Before the glut, it would seem like a waste. Now you're doing the sandwich a favor.

Lobster sports

We watch horses and dogs race, so why not lobsters? Lobster sports aren't very popular right now, but with so many excess creatures, it's only a matter of time before humans use them for entertainment. Lobster racing is just the start. Soon, we'll be seeing lobster MMA (watch those pincers!), lobster soccer, and even lobster NASCAR – with specially designed steering wheels, of course. Did that lobster just take performance-enhancing plankton? Most definitely.

Lobster mouse traps

Everyone's always talking about building a better mousetrap, but nobody ever does anything about it. As it turns out, nature built a better mousetrap eons ago. It's called a lobster. Got mice? Set a few lobsters on the floor before you go to bed and wake up to find their claws filled with vermin. They're sustainable, reusable and completely humane as long as you consider the laws of nature humane. Just make sure to set out a little bowl of water for your new mousetraps. You don't want them drying out before they get the job done.

Lobster security system

If you want to protect your house, but don't want to shell out for a dog, grab a bunch of lobsters and set them down by your front door. Anybody trying to break in is in for a rude surprise as they feel the wrath of your lobster army. Sorry, robbers, this home's protected by the security guards of the sea.

Lobster science

We may be experiencing an abundance of lobster now, but who knows where we'll be in ten years? Take this time to study the little invertebrates while your research subject is cheap. Maybe you can figure out the science behind these colorful mutations. Or maybe you can turn them into an unlimited power source through the magic of cold fusion. That's entirely up to you, the world is your oyster lobster.

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