When On A Date, How Many Is Too Many?

I don't think I've ever had a completely sober date. Liquor is known as a social lubricant for a reason and having a glass of wine loosens me up just enough to get those first date butterflies out of my stomach. But what happens when that glass of wine turns into a whole bottle? Where's the line between charmingly open and just plain sloppy?

It's a hard line to see, but it's there and it's totally dependent on you and your tolerance. I'll break it down in terms of drinks consumed (as it relates to me).

1-2 Drinks

After one or two cold ones, I'm feeling good. I'm flowing, I'm vibing, I'm making good jokes and my memory is fully intact. This is the Safe Zone. The key to the Safe Zone is knowing when to cut yourself off. Usually that second drink is trying to convince me that drink #3 would be a mighty good idea. Who wants to stop drinking if you're having a good time? It's up to me to stay in the Safe Zone or whatever goodwill I've built up may start to erode and I'll wind up a drunken mess.

3-4 Drinks

Once I give in and hit that third or fourth drink, I'm on the Precipice of Danger. I think I'm flowing and vibing, but in reality, I'm probably making stupid jokes and not listening as well as I should. I start to lose my place in the conversation. I'm having a grand old time and I don't care that I'm already starting to think about ordering buffalo wings on my way home. My goal is switching from "get to know this girl" to "get this girl to make out with me" and I'm possibly starting the never-ending parade to the men's room. By the end of Drink Four, I'm teetering right on the edge of drunk.

5-Infinity Drinks

The Sloppy Stupid Danger Zone. I'm crass, self-absorbed, and unable to drive myself home. I've clearly forgotten that I'm not in college anymore and sometimes forget I went to college altogether. I don't just slur my words, I combine them to make Superwords: two words smashed together that are incapable of being defined or understood in any meaningful way. I openly offer marriage. I bristle at any suggestion that I've had too much to drink. I insist on loudly singing the theme song from Diff'rent Strokes. As a result, I ruin any chance that I can get a second date.

Once you're deep into a relationship, it can be really fun to have a super sloshed night because you're well past the point you can impress or repulse the other person. It's a different story when you're just starting to date. While drinking and dating are necessary bedfellows, it's important to keep things under control so you can wake up the next day with hope instead of a hangover. So how many is too many? At least two drinks before you start belting "Well the world don't move to the beat of just one drum..."