20 Ways To Sext Your Favorite Foodie

Jun 7, 2012 1:01 pm

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Do you know the sext for pretzel sex?
Do you know the sext for pretzel sex?

Everyone is still trying to sort out this new era of digital communication we live in. When is it okay to text someone, versus calling? Is a Facebook message the same as an email? What exactly is a “letter” and why do we still have a U.S. Postal Service? There's one topic in particular that seems to get a lot of media attention from everyone from politicians to scare-centric nightly news shows and that's sexting.

I'm fairly lost when it comes to sexting. I don't know where to start. I don't know where to stop! It usually comes out as “u r pretty” then devolves into “we sex now?” Clearly, I have the sophistication of Sloth from Goonies. I kept wishing somebody would just devise a unified system of sexting for us food dudes to text to our food-loving ladies. But wishing doesn't get you laid. So, as a service to all, I've put together a dictionary of food sexting terms.




Whipped cream sale! Be home soon.


Call me Thomas Keller.


Our love is USDA Certified Organic.


Sexy eggplant.

I<3u > 100BRGRS

I love you more than a hundred burgers.


Let's play Chef Boyardee and Paula Deen.


Time for seductive kale!


I love prime rib and you... not in that order.


Sexy chicken.


Reservation for two in my bed?


Love and scallops.


Sex on a cake.


You're hotter than sriracha.


I want to sous vide you.

u+me = :@) & xxx 2nite

Let's get pulled pork and have sex tonight.


Down on all petit fours.


Sexy strawberry.


I want you brined, breaded and fried.


Pretzel sex.


Should we invite Rachael Ray for a threesome?

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