And now, to introduce a video playlist that needs no introduction. We don’t like them, you don’t like them, and kids only pretend to like them because they’re made of and enrobed in sugar. They’ll figure it out soon enough, no need to rush the inevitable. Check out these 7 YouTube videos of Peeps in the wild (and living rooms) that trump the other hundred thousand or so Easter-lovers have posted over the years.
Classic Peeps in the microwave bit…played over Santana
It was very hard to choose a video of Peeps in the microwave out of the literal thousands on YouTube, but the lack of drawn-out monologing video intro and quick succession of money shots does the unlicensed soundtrack justice (and then some).
Best Use Of Ketchup As Blood Award (or, The Best Zero-Budget Peeps Massacre, Ever)
Of course! It’s so simple! Lego guys are the absolutely perfect size and shape to be engulfed by angry Peep rabbits as they take over society and the gotta-be-stoned commentary is just…so entertaining in the right state of mind. Hey, where’d that pack of Peeps go?
Spoiler alert: the source of the blood makes an unexpected appearance as part of the set. Also, best editing. Hell, best actors, too. The making of this video was probably more fun to than any other aspect of Easter. Come on, this or dying eggs? This.
iMovie: Standard on Apple Computers
How did the original yellow bird Peeps feel about the introduction of those infernal rabbit Peeps? Prepare for cheap explosions, cheaper gore-splattering effects and the single most horrifying pecking-to-death you totally recreated as a child and probably don’t remember.
Also, am I crazy or is Peep blood made of ketchup? Did I miss this part of childhood where we discover that Peep blood is made of ketchup?
And That’s Why You Don’t Microwave Peeps (Wasting Them On Your Stupid Video Is Fine, Though)
This poor dude probably still has grains of colored sugar all over his apartment. Once Peeps start shedding, man, it’s over. And there are a LOT of Peeps in this video. Hope you don’t have an ant problem, bro!
Our estimate for Peeps eaten in post-production: 3, cause then they just get gross. Why do you think people make videos about destroying them? Our dude, world-ranked competitive eater Pat Bertoletti didn’t even want to shoot last year’s video for speed-eating them, and he speed-eats raw jalapeños.
These Army Men’s Dads Didn’t Think They Were Cut Out For Service, Anyway.
Second to Lego guys in the race to be the perfect size for the protagonist in a Peeps video, army men unsuspectingly cuddle up to Peeps while Your Body Is A Wonderland plays in the background. Don’t worry, they switch to Eye of the Tiger. Oh no! How did that army man end up INSIDE THAT PEEP? Oh, cause it’s made of squishy marshmallow. Right. But the army men prevail! Just kidding, you don’t want to witness the cowardice.
Okay Fine, We’ll Do The Harlem Shake. But Only Because Of Jesus’ Resurrection.
It’s no Washing Machine Harlem Shake, but many moons after the rest of the world stopped Harlem Shaking, somehow we still always get pumped hearing that dumb intro. We thought you’d need to be more flexible and less made of marshmallows to do it right, but we stand corrected.
And Since Nobody’s Going To Eat Them Regardless Of How Much Or Little They’ve Been “Handled…”
We come to the pièce de resistance: 10 pretty darn creative ways you yourself can destroy Peeps at home. Yes, a microwave is involved in one. But so is a truck tire, a vicegrip, a sledgehammer and perhaps most effectively, a shotgun. Bye-bye birdies, see you next year and every year after that until they invent a palatable iconic Easter candy.
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