We wonder when reporter Mike Parker was toiling away in journalism school, if he ever imagined writing a lede like this:

LOOPY Lady Gaga is creating a fresh stink in the music business — because she can’t stop farting…

In the great British tabloid tradition, Parker (of London’s Daily Star) filed an investigative report over the weekend that purports international pop star Lady Gaga is having an issue with flatulence — caused by recent crash dieting. The episodes came to the fartfront during last weekend’s Gay Pride parade in New York City, where Gaga sang the national anthem. It was her first public performance since undergoing hip surgery in February. According to a member of the crew: “The smell was foul, like a dumpster full of rotting food. And some of her farts were loud, so there was no pretending she wasn’t the source of the stench.”

The cause? According to the tabloid, while the singer has lost over 20 pounds since the surgery, the weight loss methods have been a little aggressive. According to a source: “Instead of following it to the letter, she spent a week eating hard-boiled eggs and another eating only spinach. Whose stomach and intestines wouldn’t be in turmoil?”

A Gaga friend added: “The eggs-only week was especially bad and a vapour trail of sulphur followed in her wake.”

Then Parker’s story just goes off the rails.

One observer claimed: “The mike [sic] picked up several farts, despite the fact the crowd was noisy. But she carried on regardless. It was surreal.”

According to the report, Gaga’s spokeswoman refused to comment on her flatulence, insisting: “That will not be graced with an answer.”

New Diet Puts The Wind Up Lady Gaga [Daily Star]