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Face it, you’ve always dreamed of biting into a golden drumstick and declaring yourself king of roast poultry. No? Never dreamed about that before? Well now you don’t have to, because gilding your food and eating it too just became a reality. 

German “food cooperative” The Deli Garage has developed several products that will revolutionize how you impress your dinner guests with your mad cooking skills. Note that this stuff won’t mask terrible food, it’ll just make it look kind of baller, so make sure whatever you’re spray-painting gold, silver, red or blue tastes good before you go all H.A.M. with the relatively expensive finishing touches (about $30 plus int’l shipping).

The paint, called Food Finish, is odorless, tasteless and harmless to eat. Spray strawberries blue, make the red in your tandoori chicken quite literally pop (and sparkle) and chrome-plate that nice fat kielbasa — it’s your adult life.

Also on the Garage’s menu, Honey Bond: glue made of hand-harvested apiary honey meant to adhere baked goods to one another (I’m visualizing a cream puff awkwardly glued to a marble rye). Tired of avoiding the stupid novelty boob macaroni left over from that bachelor party? Pick up a box of Multi Noodles, shaped like screws, nuts and bolts, and made with organic eggs. Regarding the Chocolate Cream Filler, no pastry crack need go unspackled from here on out.  

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