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Everyone is still trying to sort out this new era of digital communication we live in. When is it okay to text someone, versus calling? Is a Facebook message the same as an email? What exactly is a “letter” and why do we still have a U.S. Postal Service? There’s one topic in particular that seems to get a lot of media attention from everyone from politicians to scare-centric nightly news shows and that’s sexting.

I’m fairly lost when it comes to sexting. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where to stop! It usually comes out as “u r pretty” then devolves into “we sex now?” Clearly, I have the sophistication of Sloth from Goonies. I kept wishing somebody would just devise a unified system of sexting for us food dudes to text to our food-loving ladies. But wishing doesn’t get you laid. So, as a service to all, I’ve put together a dictionary of food sexting terms.

SEXT

MEANING

WCS!BHS

Whipped cream sale! Be home soon.

CMTK

Call me Thomas Keller.

r<3isUSDACO

Our love is USDA Certified Organic.

{((()))

Sexy eggplant.

I<3u > 100BRGRS

I love you more than a hundred burgers.

LPCB&PD

Let’s play Chef Boyardee and Paula Deen.

TFSK!

Time for seductive kale!

ILPR&U… NITO

I love prime rib and you… not in that order.

(*)>

Sexy chicken.

R42IMB?

Reservation for two in my bed?

<3&***

Love and scallops.

SOAC

Sex on a cake.

U=HTS

You’re hotter than sriracha.

IW2SVU

I want to sous vide you.

u+me = :@) & xxx 2nite

Let’s get pulled pork and have sex tonight.

DOAPF

Down on all petit fours.

<#){

Sexy strawberry.

IWUBBF

I want you brined, breaded and fried.

&xxx

Pretzel sex.

SWIRR43S?

Should we invite Rachael Ray for a threesome?


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