For someone who loves pumpkin pie as much as I do, I truly hate pumpkin spice things. Really, anything that’s orange-brown and smells like fake-ass nutmeg is grounds for immediate dismissal. A Facebook status posted last month received likes (read: hates) from mostly food and drink media folks, which meant I was not not alone. So how would something as ridiculous-sounding as pumpkin spice deodorant calm the raging fury I feel each year as food and products across the board turn orange and remind us that the greatest commercial-grade candy-binging holiday of the year is nigh?
As it turns out, Native’s new deodorant scent is a pretty effective secret weapon and I’m glad they sent us one. Now that the onslaught of fall-themed products have hit the fan (traditionally the most effective way to distribute something unpleasant), I apply it each morning and it staves off the crazies. Here’s a crazy it staved off this very morning: fall-themed should mean leaves, right? Dead, dry leaf-flavored stuff? And though I set off on this journey to hate on it, I am way too pleased with it to do so. It’s probably just latent Seasonal Affective Disorder that annually compels me to hate the iconic fall squash, anyway. Turn into a late-July nectarine, you son of a bitch! See, there it goes.
What keeps me using this all-natural solid is that it isn’t orange, goes on pumpkin spice latte-scented and quickly disappears into absolutely nothing. Sniff tests conducted (rather publicly as our office has an open layout, apologies if you witnessed) at 10:30, 3 p.m. and just before heading out revealed neither funk nor pumpkin. All that remained was clean, sweet shower freshness. Every time I went to ridicule the latest orange confection being advertised, I’d remind myself that I too was part of that world. It was, and is, on me.
Here are some theories as to why this is working:
1. Natural body products rock. I’ve been using Dr. Bronner’s lavender hemp soap since I was a tot (hippie parents), so you won’t find fancy gels or artificial scents in my shower. I’ve never met a synthetic product I ever loved or that worked better than its plant-derived counterpart.
2. I can only have so much hatred for a thing (again, hippie parents). It could be that setting a “controlled burn” via pumpkin spice deodorant left nothing for my abject anti-pumpkin spice fury to consume.
3. I am of Indian-American descent and DO eat a lot of curry. While nobody should exactly be tossing that around, I do notice when I’ve retained a bit of a masala scent. Indian spices like cumin, fenugreek and cloves pack an extra-hefty essential oil punch that gives those dishes their unique…uh…staying power (which, yes, occasionally creep out of your pits). So what’s the theory? The Indian spice crept out, met pumpkin spice, fell madly in love and ran off to make quarter-Indian, quarter-white, half-deodorant babies. It’s 2017. Get over it.
Alright, so I don’t actually have an eloquent explanation for why I’m digging this deodorant, but here in mid-September, when I should be railing against pumpkin spice things from protein powder to Pringles, I am tranquil, smell good and am not even remotely dreading Thanksgiving.