Next week, Zakary Pelaccio releases his cookbook of sorts Eat With Your Hands. He’ll host a psychedelic book release party featuring the band Woods next Tuesday for those of you happen to be in Brooklyn. And here, he and Alimentary Canal co-pilot Jori offer an outtake from the book that, sadly, wound up on the cutting-room floor. At last, we find out why Fatty is anti-sweet tooth, plus, we get a few imagined Fatty dessert recipes. Enjoy.



The very first draft of “Eat With Your Hands” included a note from Will Goldfarb at the end of the book, where one might find dessert. My aim was to include a recipe for one of the Fatty Bars (on which we worked together) and a simple, fool proof ice cream recipe…one that could thaw, refreeze and thaw again without too much detriment to its texture. Simple? Goldfarb? What we got was not quite simple, but certainly enjoyable, though perhaps more of an inside joke. I was game to leave it in the book, but those wiser than I (of whom there are many) strongly advised removing it from the book, lest we scare the straights. One of the downsides of mass appeal, alas there are many. For now, you can print this out, fold it up and slide it between the pig-cow-chicken-goat entreating you to EAT FRESH FRUIT and the Glossary. It begins with my introduction:

In the next few pages we hear from a dear friend and colleague –or accessory—food scientist, grifter, entrepreneur, pastry chef, bon vivant: Will Goldfarb. We’ve opened, closed, and never opened restaurants together. We’ve spoken at each other incessantly without the ear of either party and long admired each other’s style, modus operandi, successes and failures, diplomatic skills, powers of delegation, rhetoric and, above all, Bullshit.

I challenged him to put his wit (or Will) to the test, to present, for the purposes of this book, my book, two things:

  1. His interpretation of my general aversion to sweet foods, particularly following a meal, i.e. dessert, and;
  2. In all his grandiose magnanimity, share with me and the readers of this book the most reliable base recipe known to man for that cold treat loved by all the world: ice cream.

He responded to the challenge, and, for the same low, low price of my friendship, dedication and, most importantly, effusive flattery, he has blessed this book with the base recipe for a phenomenal panna cotta, which we serve at Fatty Crab (and to which I added more sugar as you may want to do as well) and the first –of many, we hope—Fatty Bars.

Thanks Goldfarb.

Enjoy and good luck.

No Room For Dessert

There is no greater joy in cooking than being appreciated by your peers. In this case, I take a perverse joy in writing about dessert for Zak’s book, rather than making desserts for his restaurants. (Were I to start making the desserts for his restaurants, I’d surely lose my title of most successful unemployed chef in the world.)

Whether irony or life rules, the fact is that I couldn’t have received a greater compliment than being asked to substitute a modicum of wit to allow Zak another chance to delegate his pastry responsibilities in a quite creative way.

Why is there no dessert at fatty crab? The answer is obvious, if obfuscated by the obvious demand of human beings to eat ice cream. That so clearly customer joy driven restaurants could abstain from administering a meager dose of joy (ice cream, at least) says more about the completeness of the flavor spectrum in the aforementioned meal, than the miserliness (or laziness) of its distinguished purveyors.

At any one of Zak Pelaccio’s restaurants, there is simply no room for dessert.

When I went out with my wife today, while discussing our impending (ever impending) trip to bali, there was only one place to actually have food with flavor in manhattan: Fatty crab.

Those who (like me) refuse to enjoy the fashionable (read Williamsburg), and don’t allow ourselves the actual joy of having some face melting flavor, get what we deserve. Or to misquote tom robbins: those who sacrifice beauty for efficiency get what they deserve.

Whether it’s our burgeoning radio empire, tentatively titled “schmuck radio,” or other more mundane and vulgar pursuits, there is no one I’d rather talk to in lieu of dessert, than Zak.

Barring an orgasmic(?), or merely fellinatiastic review from le new York times, Zak has managed to become a cult personality for all the right reasons. The shit tastes good.

So my personal quagmire remains, what to add to the experience that requires nothing. The answer of course, is sardonic irreverence. I said, “more pork.”

Regrettably there is some sweet soy in the first course, otherwise masquerading as petits fours…or pickled watermelon, or some other savory sweet mangling of traditional east Asian seasoning so distinctive I can only call it Pelasian.

What then to add, in place of dessert? Just another fatty ending.

Fatty Bar


Chances are

(preferably The Wailers version)

is the preferred undergirding for any chocolate bar snacking, be it late, or be it early,

it most certainly should not be lacking

In re flavor that is.

Skinny crabs is my name, but not for the reasons you think. Never trust a chef with a fancy pen style. Also known as don’t bogart my Johnson; doing business as harry lime:

Good fellows on the whole you know, but they cant stay the course like a professional.

1 kilo (2.2 pounds) Milk chocolate (Prefer El Rey or Michel Cluizel)

150 grams (5 ounces) crisped puffed rice

100 grams (4 ounces) brunoised candied ginger

First, make sure your molds are prisitinely hygienic. Wipe each and every last crumb from each and every hidden crevasse.

Precrystallize your chocolate by following the manufacturers temperature curve. Carefully mix in the puffed rice and candied ginger, before pouring into 100 gram (4 ounce) tablet molds. Allow to recrystallize over night (or at least for several hours).

Give the molds a little shocker, by placing them in the freezer for quelques seconds, before inverting them with one swift barbaric thwack – to loosen the bars of course, freeing them from their individual silicon prisons.

The first thing I demanded of Zak when he asked for these recipes was simple:

Promise me you’ll never die.

Unlike several of our later nighter promises, I hope we can deliver some follow through.

An Ice Cream Superior

I think it was fernand point who said

“how do you spell Sartre?”

or did he say, when I arrive at a strange lieu, I first ask to see the chef.

If he is skinny, I am worried.

If he is sad and skinny, I have no choice but to run immediately.

Fortunately, neither dolor nor slight of importance plagues our faint city, where we make our scene.

Instead, it is the most awesome of ice cream recipes where we lay our scene (in fair girona.)

Handed to me (it went originally from god to jerry to you to the cleaners) in this case, it went from god to the holy ghost to Olivier bajard (mof) to albert adria to me, to the bathroom.

But in any case, it is certainly best expressed in the kitchen, or at least the bedroom, or for that matter the shower:

Milk                             1036   grams

                                                (actually, all of the items are in grams, so ill stop saying it)


cream                         338

yolks of egg                118

saccharose                 254

inverted sugar                       39

atomized glucose       58

milk powder (non fat) 90

stabilizer                    6

monostearate                        6

vanilla                         2 (preferably indonesian)

this recipe maintains all the proportions necessary for excellence:

total fat: 10

                        all percentages

            egg yolks: 6

            esdl (or dry solids without fat): 10

            total solids: 39

            power of sweetness: 17

            glucose: 3

            invert sugar: 3

            stabilizer and monostearate: .3

I will spare the reader the precise temperatures at which it is ideal to add all these ingredients, as well as the entire map of all ingredients to calculate one’s free base. Suffice it to say that the best way to make this is the most efficient:

Bring the milk, cream, and sugars to a boil with the vanilla.

(Remember to save some of the sugar to help the mixing of the yolks, stabilizer, milk powder, and monostearate – a little bit of sugar helps the medicine go down – but it looks good on you though)

When you have your first boil, you can remove your base from heat, and cover it for as much time as you have to let the flavor of the vanilla penetrate all of the water and fat molecules of the base (the sugar helps you go down here too).

When the aroma is sufficiently aromatic and wantonly desirable, you can continue with making the ice cream base…

First, whisk in the milk powder, and return to a boil. Pay careful attention that the milk powder proteins don’t get together and hang out on the bottom of your pans, or you will have a toasty crusty and altogether un-awesome toasted milk ice cream.

When you have your boil, with your other hand, mix in your emulsifier (monostearate) and your stabilizer, preferably with a hand blender. (You don’t need to return completely to a boil, but it helps to make sure you have hit at least 92 celsius, which is almost boiling anyways)

Once you have your second new boil, please remove from heat, carefully emulisifying in your egg yolks (pre-ably mixed with sugar for their protection – please temper eggs SAFEly)

Finally, pass through a fine mesh strainer (or china cap sunflower) before allowing to cool at room temeperature.

Next again, allow to mature at 4 degrees Celsius for a minimum of 6 and up to 24 hours.

            The fridge will be just fine.


The reasons why this is simply the most awesomest are myriad. Over the course of the last twelve years, I have tried more vanilla ice cream recipes than the bibles got psalms. But just like the prodigal glacier I have returned to the original.

First: the texture is the awesomest. Regardless of whether this is spun in a paco jet, conventional turbine, chilled with liquid nitrogen in a kitchen aid, slowly spun in a table top home version, or even frozen and then processed in the robot coupe, it is the ultra creamiest. The combination of sugars improves the mouthfeel, while the hygroscopic nature of the invert sugar helps to control the crystallization.

Second: it will never die.

Unlike many traditional ice cream recipes, this does not rely on excessive butter fat content for richness, so it can’t break, no matter how many times it is reworked, respun, remelted, or redacted. This allows you extra versatility in the restaurant or home kitchen, since you can reuse your mix.

Third: It is the perfect blank canvas:

Because of its unique ability to trap flavor in both its conception, birth, and maturation, this ice cream recipe is well positioned to take additional flavor injections. Be it cinnamon, anise, fresh ginger, turmeric, chilly palmer, or smoked salt, she is ready willing and able. Were you to get even saucier and drop loads of hazelnuts, peaches, or even toasted brioches, you would still not be able to break the awesome structure.

The only music to listen to during this recipe is cowboys, portishead, at least according to loulou, my four year old. By the way, she also prefers this recipe to be processed in the paco jet, rather than the conventional turbine sorbetiere. And yes, it also works if you are listening to all mine, track two, also from your tis head.

This is also similar to French high school girls recipe, but that’s Vanessa and that’s another recipe

From an email exchange around the time of a restaurant opening (Will G. to Zak P.)

ok – so heres the basic principle (in narrative format to make it harder to understand)

two component pick up – pc preset and jack fruit off’ed

for the panna cotta – depending on the serving vessel and the fat content of the coconut, i would pay attention to the gelatin

– as a base

1 liter coconut milk

0/50/100 grams white sugar

100/200/300 ml heavy cream

2/3/4 leaves of bloomed gelatin

(i have tried to give a range of sweetness, fat and stiffness, as per usual – starting in the middle would be the best)

dissolve sugar in cream and bring to a boil, dissolve here bloomed gelatin, and infuse flavor sachet 4mns minimum to overnight

remove sachet, (if set, rewarm in microwave) and incorporate flavor base into ambient temperature coconut milk*, strain and pour into chilled glasses, taking care not to touch the sides (this has never been your problem)

reserve cold in low boy for service, garnishing with michael jackson to order (if youre really lazy you could pregarnish/or if youre feeling ambitious you could set the jackfruit brunoise in alternating layers of coconut cream, but that would be a trifle excessive)

– flavor sachet:

2 leaves kaffir lime

1/4 stalk lemon grass bruised and sliced

1 thai chili sliced finely

1/8 tbs grated galangal

(this would be the place to insert other flavors that impart your personal style, if these are not they)

this would also be the place to discuss choice of music.

I recommend justice’s version of Never be alone again. Only slightly less interesting would be the kop (Liverpool fc) version of you’ll never walk alone. Or if you’re lonely: alone by blues traveler.

*nb – the flavoring could be more intense by cooking out the coconut milk with the flavorings (and jetez the sachet all together)

– regarding jacking:

for 1 kilogram of brunoise jack fruit –

400 to 600 grams of sugar

120 ml clear liquor

60 ml lime juice

toss the jack fruit with the sugar and let steep, preferably overnight, or depending on how in the weeds you are, at least until it begins to render some of its moisture

bring to a boil over medium to high heat, taking care to just cook out, but not caramelize the sugar (unless of course, you want to)

off heat deglaze with liquor of your choice – (can be slighly less if desired)

when liquid is evaporated, hit again with lime juice (kalamansi, whatever – can be slightly more if desired)

allow to cool and reserve cold in hermetically sealed container

*(obviously you can sex it up by using palm sugar, dark spirits, and more robust acidity to finish/taking care to adjust for balance)

addl garniture for your mediatique friends:

– praline macadamia nuts with touch of salt (or suitable pel-asian flavor (o-BAM-a)

– purple basil (or arugula if youre feeling saucy)

– spray dried coconut powder (to be served with your mother of pearl laid handled short spoon of course)