The Kessler Report

I Fell In Love With A Cartoon Mascot In Morocco

A history of Aïcha, Morocco's beloved icon
Nov 19, 2014 9:00 am

When I saw her, I knew. My heart started beating, my pupils dilated, my breath quickened. This was love, plain and simple. Her bright, brown eyes were like satellites beaming into my soul; her magical combination of bangs and pig-tails spoke to me with a sugary sweet voice that said, “I'm cool but casual and definitely open to talking to a guy like you, Jason.” But who was she? Aïcha. The most beautiful girl in the world. Aïcha. She had to be mine.

Looking At The New Fall TV Lineup With Food Squarely On The Brain

This fall TV lineup looks much more appetizing
Sep 26, 2014 8:00 am

Screw you, 4th graders. September isn't about new backpacks and brown bag lunches, it's about new TV shows that aim to capture our hearts and minds. Instead of dealing with the inevitable letdown of the new fall season, I decided to reimagine the shows in a way that will make them truly successful: with food.

9 Tips To Eat Like You're At A Fitness Ranch

Get fit using only your kitchen. And vegetables.
Sep 10, 2014 12:00 pm

It's really effin' hard to eat like you're at a fitness ranch when you're not actually at a fitness ranch. That doesn't mean it's impossible, though. Here are nine tips I picked up during my weeklong stay at a renowned Mexican wellness spa to help you eat like you're living at a luxurious fat camp even when you're in a tiny studio apartment in the middle of Oklahoma.

The Best Louie-Style "Bang Bangs" Of All Time

Behold: 10 cuisine combos to binge on before a diet
Sep 3, 2014 10:00 am

When you know gym/kale is on the horizon, the only way to calm your impending sense of doom is with a proper Bang Bang, i.e. two consecutive meals of different cuisines — as devised on Louis CK's show Louie. But what would be the best Bang Bang of all time? Let's do it countdown style, shall we?

Master Your 'Cone At Home' Game, Win At Ice Cream

Here's how to get the most of your ice cream maker
Aug 13, 2014 12:00 pm

Tyler's the creative director of Salt & Straw, Portland's favorite artisanal ice cream shop (and soon to be in LA, too), which means he's the guy creating awesome flavors based on local ingredients like goat cheese/marionberry/habanero, bone marrow/ smoked cherry, and a whole lineup of wacky Thanksgiving flavors. I hopped on the phone with young Tyler (dude's only 26) and got the low-down on becoming an at-home pint champion.

Food Republic Stone Fruit Power Rankings

At the height of summer, we pit fruit against fruit
Jul 28, 2014 9:00 am

Since NFL training camps open up this week (finally!), it seemed like the perfect time to rank these fruits pro football style – with a Power Ranking. Each stone fruit is ranked on a scale of ten for overall flavor, aesthetic value, degree of difficulty in finding the perfectly ripe version, and pure preference from your author. May the best stone fruit win.

Teriyaki Sauce And Lox: Nostalgic Musings On Growing Up In Chicago

A boy from the suburbs reflects on delicious youth
Jun 26, 2014 8:00 am

I take pride in being a fourth-generation Chicagoan. There's something about the city that sticks with you and in my case, it's about 4,000 calories a day. Visits back here are structured around an eating schedule. Every time I come home, I'm confronted with a dilemma: do I try the latest and greatest or do I stick to my old favorites? Here's how I worked through this pickle. Pickles may have been involved.

KISS: Rock & Roll All Night, Open a Chain Restaurant Every Day

We hit KC to hang with Gene and Paul, eat rock food
Jun 4, 2014 10:00 am

There are questions in life that always require you to say yes. “Do you want fries with that?” Yes. “Would you prefer to be seated far away from the mariachi band?” Yes. “Do you want to go to Kansas City with Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley from KISS as they open up a new location of their chain restaurant Rock & Brews?” YES. Here's what it's like to break, uh...BBQ chicken flatbread with the KISS guys.

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