Hey! A Friday Morning Mustard Breakup Meltdown!

Heinz condiments handle serious relationship drama
Apr 17, 2015 11:00 am

Everyone loves Heinz ketchup, but unfortunately it can only be one lucky girl in a mustard costume’s boyfriend. Breaking up is hard to do, particularly when faced with the prospect of your ex moving on with a better version of yourself. So, understandably, one scorned yellow bottle is having herself a total guitar-smashing freakout, and the world watches, entertained, hot dog in hand.

Farewell To Heart Attack: The Last Heartbreak

Food Republic's dating columnist is getting over it
Aug 23, 2012 12:01 pm

Could this be the end of what was surely the first dating column aimed at men who are really into food? For now, yes, but not before a final send-off from Jason Kessler. And don't worry, he's on his way back with another column. Details, and some tears, after the jump.

The Heart Attack Guide To Talking To Women In Bars

10 foolproof ways to pump up your "hey girl..."
Aug 16, 2012 12:01 pm

I'm sure you're very good at doing the first two on your own, but everyone needs help picking up women – unless your last name happens to be Clooney (either George or Rosemary). Here are ten tips for turning that first awkward bar conversation into a meaningful relationship or, at least, you know, um... sex.

A Guide To Eating Your Heart Out. No, Really.

Just how delicious is the love muscle in reality?
Aug 9, 2012 1:02 pm

Now that the culinary world has become obsessed with exotic meats and nose-to-tail dining, it's no surprise that people are willing to eat just about anything these days. I've eaten heart and lived to tell the tale, but I feel really weird about it.

Olympic Dating, Complete With Expert Commentary

Our dating columnist awards the gold medal for love
Aug 2, 2012 11:01 am

Our food-focused dating columnist imagines the Olympics' newest category: Olympic Dating. Tune in for details.

What Exactly Are The "Salad Days"?

Riffing on a Shakespearean phrase about youth
Apr 12, 2012 12:01 pm

I've never really understood the term “salad days.” I always assumed it was supposed to mean the time when you were so poor that you could only afford to eat salad, but salads are pretty expensive so my theory doesn't make sense. Unless you're just eating a head of lettuce. 

On Making Her Like You Back

When life gives you Meyer lemons, impress a girl
Mar 1, 2012 2:01 pm

Since I don't know what I'm actually doing with myself, I don't know how to handle basic situations of being single. More specifically, I have a crush and it makes me feel like I'm thirteen again. Why can't I just go to a Bar Mitzvah and eat chicken fingers with her? That was my go-to move in seventh grade. Now that I think about it, that move never worked.

Who Should Pay On The First Date?

Gentlemen, it’s not that simple a question
Feb 16, 2012 1:01 pm
Lego date

There are certain questions that have haunted humanity for all of recorded history. What is the meaning of life? Why can’t chickens fly? Who Framed Roger Rabbit? All valid queries, but for the purposes of Heart Attack, there’s one big question that needs to be addressed: Who pays on a first date?


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