How To Survive A Blizzard With Half-Assed Effort
We lazily prep for this lame, oddly named blizzard
Well it's happening out there, Northeasterners, if by devastating blizzard you mean "annoyingly huge amounts of freezing slush flying sideways at you so there's no way to avoid it." But as the snow accumulates, you might as well stock up on a few important things. Cause you haven't yet, and frankly, neither have we.
Everyone lists batteries, flashlights, road salt, really boring stuff as what you want to have on-hand during a blizzard. But we didn't get much further than chips and beer and a few other choice items on the list before we decided we were prepared and that was the end of it. Now, our not totally definitive guide to surviving the weekend Nemo came to town.
Here's what you actually need:
- Various meats — beef, pork, lamb (and/or soy products, Survivorman)
- Enough potatoes (so like...10 pounds?)
- A pepper mill full of crunchy Cheetos in case things get really serious
- A good recipe for spicy Mexican hot chocolate
- Both sour cream AND onion dip mix, because you only ever seem to have one and not the other. Or be fancy and caramelize some onions and make some actual dip. Then you're the blizzard guy with the onion dip, chips, beer and pepper mill full of crunchy Cheetos.
Here's what you probably don't need and should buy more chips and beer instead of:
- A Doritos-addicted goat (and a good reason why not)
- Your extended culinary horoscope, because those don't predict when it's going to stop snowing
- Any new photo apps because you'll have nothing to take pictures of but snow and your own boredom
- A fart patio (any excuse to bring that back, also it'll be too cold, so play 'em as they lie)
- A nipple pitcher...alright you get the idea.
Long story short: buy beer and provisions, avoid traveling, and you'll be fine.
More accu-weather information on Food Republic: