Vice Had Somebody Taste A Bunch Of Cat Food

Feb 6, 2013 1:31 pm

Highlights from a feline tasting menu of sorts

what does cat food taste like?
Photo: youngthousands on Flickr
"Harder than Captain Crunch, but denser, so it didn’t make those little cuts on the roof of my mouth."
 

Someone watched District 9 recently! Other than that, I'm half-flummoxed and half-in total awe of the chick who penned this Vice guide to eating both wet AND dry cat food, complete with beverage pairings. Either way, I had to paws (eh?) to share a few highlights from this brilliantly humorous and impressively long taste-test. Sorry, I really don't make good cat jokes. But she does.

Fancy Feast, Chunky Turkey Flavor
"Like chasing fermented corn with an anvil....I followed it with a sip of room-temperature coffee, which, 15 minutes later, is actually making an interesting taste happen in my mouth. It tastes like Chef Boyardee when I burp."

Wellness Cubed Chicken Entrée in Morsels of Rich Gravy
"Smells like standing downwind from the primordial soup where Ren and Stimpy evolved."

PetGuard Savory Seafood Dinner
"Sort of like shrimp mousse laced with pennies. "...these chelated minerals are really doing something for me."

And onto the beverage pairing: "The sharp tartness of a chilled Pinot Grigio would slow down the flavor play of Natural Value and allow each of its layered tastes to have their spotlight on the tongue. If one desires a more casual “Natty Night,” an icy keg of Natural Ice or National Bohemian would surely please a crowd of even the most discriminating palates."

How aptly put. Alright then, who else wants to puke and/or avoid the family pet for a spell? I must admit I have mused while watching my old lady cat Nikita hoover kibble night after night, maybe one piece wouldn't hurt? In the name of science, food writing and all those curious little kids who can't Google yet?

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