Attention Mixologists! Here Are 13 Ways To Upgrade Your Mustache.

Sorry mixologists, we had to poke a little fun, even though we realize that mixology in late 2012 has less to do with grooming and suspenders, a more do with what is actually in the glass (Though, we did recently meet a London mixologist who designs his own suspenders.) Also, we love female bartenders. Anyways, the knowledge junkies over at Mental Floss have a roundup of 13 Patents Designed to Build a Better Mustache, which ranges from practical to the Medieval torture. Here are three of our favorites.  

+ ENLARGE

This one paid Mark Twain to endorse.

 

+ ENLARGE

This one was to make sure the 'stache didn't come into contact with a chili dog.

 

+ ENLARGE

This one is just really creepy.