I was lucky enough to attend Padma Lakshmi’s 4th Annual Blossom Ball last night. Just feet from where I sat happily chowing down on WAY better food than you usually find at a benefit (chipotle brisket and pepper-cheese tamales, anyone?), Tyra Banks introduced her to the stage by relating an anecdote about this one time Padma came over to her house in a famished rage, cleaned out her fridge and was still hungry! As if! Ms. Banks then announced that if Padma marketed frozen dinners that’s all Tyra would eat. Because she’s “a frozen dinner girl.”
The evening’s wild entertainment aside (and maybe it was the nine flirtinis), I left the dance floor mildly sweaty, missing a lot of sequins from my dress, and peckish. I blame Cucu Diamante’s addictive smoldering Afro-Latin funk and crazy peeky-butt costume. My companion and I left the party in search of a large portion of food both fast and portable, and came across a friendly looking taco truck.
Now if I’d just gone with my standard “drunk in a ballgown” fare of offal tacos, my zipper might still be firmly stitched into the back of my dress. But as fate would have it, I saw a photo of a torta, oozing with mayo, packed with pickled jalapeños and layered with sliced steak, avocado, tomatoes, so much cheese and, yes, a fried egg. I had to have it. The whole thing. And I did. Hey, why do you think the word “alterations” is prominently displayed on dry cleaners’ storefronts? Also, look ma, no hangover.
Seek out the thickest, most jam-packed torta you can find on this most hallowed of stomach-padding days, for it’s a drinking weekend, you see. If your life has been lacking in the chorizo department, now’s the time to do yourself a favor. If you’re a devoted hot dog lover, there’s a good chance they’ll slice one or two lengthwise and toss them in there for you. This is a sandwich that throws the notion of moderation to the wind, like a benefit hosted by a woman who once famously oralized a Carl’s Jr. Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger.