Gallery: 20 Tasty Jams Part II

Aug 3, 2011 12:31 pm

The final 10 food songs in the countdown

By Jeff Feuerstein

The thrilling conclusion. I’m sure some readers out there are up in arms that numbers 20-11 from part I of this countdown could be seen as obscure picks. Frankly, songs about food that happen to rock are few and far between. However, I believe that once the top 10 is revealed within a few mere clicks of your mouse — or smart phone device — we will all join hands and sing in perfect harmony. Metaphorically, of course.

Refreshing you on the criteria:

No jingles, no commercials. Songs about food — and don’t just be a one-liner describing a girl’s “cold coffee eyes” (respect, Paul Simon).
Be a good song. If this was a mix tape…or to the younger readers a “Playlist”…would you be skipping through the tracks or would you listen to the tunes in their entirety?
No Jimmy Buffett. I refuse. I don’t like him, never will. I’m baffled how he’s not simply a guy singing at a pool in Aruba during Happy Hour. He’s cheesier than his song about cheeseburgers…however the song certainly contributes to his cheesiness.

Gallery: 20 Tasty Jams Part II

10. Peaches by The Presidents of the United States of America

Talk about a flash in the pan (this is the part where Food Republic will most likely link you to a stir-fried peaches recipe)! [ed. note: Close! Try grilled peaches and cream!] If Jeopardy had Peaches as a category, the only thing standing in the song’s way from being the $1,000 clue would be Roald Dahl’s classic James and the Giant Peach. The lyrics might very well have been written by the band, either one of the Presidents or several, when they were in the 2nd grade. Today they hold children to higher standards — especially if you want to be considered “Stansbury material.”

09. Green Onions by Booker T. and the MG's

I used to simply refer to this song as the jazzy number that played while the kids in The Sandlot hurled delightfully dirty insults at each other – none worse than accusing a slugger of playing ball like a girl. Now I can refer to it as the last lyric-less song on the list. With a title like “Green Onions,” one would assume that the notes would strike a more melancholy tone – to induce the tears commonly associated with onion slices. Like the vegetable in the title, and ogres, the song has got a lot of layers.

08. Apples and Bananas by Raffi

Dare I say it’s impossible to listen to this tune and NOT smile? Go ahead and give it a shot, I’ll wait. Good, now that we’re all smiling, take a good look in the mirror and assume some personal responsibility for the damage you’ve caused Mother Earth – through your plastic bottles and SUVs – and therefore the natural, serene habitat of Baby Beluga. You happy now? Didn’t Raffi try and warn us of this bleak, polluted future long before Al Gore did? Sure we remember his apples and bananas, his eeples and baneenees, but what about the message behind those songs? Not smiling now, are you? Ok, then listen to the song again and turn that frown back around.

07. Coconut by Harry Nilsson

An essential 60 seconds on any power hour playlist, “Coconut” probably qualifies as more of a drinking song. But Harry never specifies juicing limes and coconuts, only putting one into the other. And if that’s the case, no wonder the musician has a bellyache — fruit doesn’t even make up 25% of MyPlate, the out-of-date food pyramid’s replacement. If Nilsson had balanced out his meals with meat, vegetables and a bit of dairy, he would not have had to wake up that nice doctor in the middle of the night when he could be getting some vital rest for the day of saving lives that lies ahead.

06. Savoy Truffle by The Beatles

This is one of those Beatles songs that I pretend to know the lyrics to when it comes on the radio, but in reality I mumble through most of the words hoping no one will notice. George Harrison’s contribution edges out “Strawberry Fields,” “Mean Mr. Mustard,” and even the visuals of marmalade skies and marshmallow pies from “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.” The song screams and begs a chef to draw some inspiration for his dessert menu — either one mega-fattening nightcap full of all of the delicious flavor profiles described or several sweet options.

05. Pulling Mussels (From the Shell) by Squeeze

An arch-rival to any Beach Boys song ever recorded, Squeeze offers homage to the summer from across the pond. Since there are no songs entitled “Clams Casino” (though there is a producer who goes by Clams Casino) or “Scallops with Blood Orange,” may we cement this as the greatest ode to ingesting shell fish of all time (see Part I for my disdain of “Rock Lobster”)? In the better-known, poppier “Tempted" — sung by Paul Carrack — Squeeze songwriter Chris Difford’s first line stresses that he “bought a toothbrush,” obviously to reassure his groupies that eating mussels, freshly pulled from shells, would not affect his breath.

04. Lunch Lady Land by Adam Sandler

If Adam Sandler were a Taboo clue, “Sloppy Joe” would undoubtedly be one of the buzz phrases you couldn’t give as a clue. The song just about serves as a vocabulary and geography lesson, enlightening us that hoagies and grinders are merely two synonyms for heroes depending on your locale in this great nation. Nimble dance moves by Chris Farley in drag complete the scene. RIP, Chris — if you were still here, I’m not entirely sure Seth Rogen would be as successful.

03. Tangerine by Led Zeppelin

Straight up, I’m a Who fanatic. They constantly get buried in people’s lists below Led Zeppelin, and I have never been able to comprehend why. Then again, The Who don’t got no tunes about grub and therefore must be ignored, begrudgingly, in favor of their contemporaries once again. Tangerine might just be the name of a girl that Robert Plant was porking, but since I don’t know for certain and I described the imaginary sex in piggish terms, I’m going to let it slide. Rock on — whether it be about scrumptious citrus or making bacon.

02. Scenes From An Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel

If you’re from New Jersey, you groove to Bruce Springsteen. If you’re from Long Island…and everywhere else, you jump right on the crowded Billy Joel bandwagon. The Piano Man bookends a memory of the prom king and queen in contemplating his dinner order, and the bottle of wine to accompany the meal. Perplexingly pairing a merlot to a plate of spaghetti or a chardonnay with chicken kiev can set anyone’s mind into wistful motion. Billy, the kid with a first name for a last name, has given us one his greatest hits of all time and spices it up just for foodies.

01. She Don't Use Jelly by The Flaming Lips

Gross. This chick puts Vaseline on her toast? Fine — turn your back on butter and cheese, but consider cherry-flavored Carmex, it’ll blow your mind. Quirky girls — you can’t live with 'em and they just can’t stock their fridge with acceptable condiments. At least she’s not the guy who blows his nose with magazines – imagine reading a copy of Maxim at his apartment? I’d assume the pages were sticking together for totally different reasons. The tangerines to replace hair dye…that registers. Fragrant and natural. Idiosyncrasies put the Flaming Lips on the map and propel them to the very top of the countdown.